since the site is crashing and down, lets have a fun tutorial on how to touch grass

Step 1: Locate Grass
No, not the digital kind. No, not a screenshot. No, your green keyboard backlight doesn’t count.
Real grass. Outside. The scary zone.

Step 2: Approach Grass With Caution
Move toward it. Slowly. Like you’re trying not to spook a wild Pokémon.
Avoid eye contact. Grass can sense fear.

Step 3: Confirm Grass is Grass
Bend down. Sniff it. Whisper, “Are you grass?”
If it answers, walk away. That’s not grass. That’s a cursed fern and you are not ready.

Step 4: Extend Your Touching Appendage
This is usually a hand. If you are using a fork, spoon, or emotional support spatula—stop.
Just… try your hand. It’s the original touching device.

Step 5: Initiate Contact
Touch it. Lightly. Don’t slap it. This isn’t a duel.
Feel the chlorophyll vibes enter your soul. You are now 0.3% Druid.

Step 6: Absorb the Lore
Close your eyes. Let the photosynthesis whispers guide you.
Do not question why the grass knows your childhood nickname.

Step 7: Recede Into the Void
Stand up. Look around. Realize there’s a bee nearby and panic appropriately.
You’ve touched grass. It’s done. You may now return to your cave, hero.